Saturday, June 28, 2014

The Law of Why-Bother?






Unfortunately (or not!) I find that having all my anger drained out of me seems to have drained all my motivation. The emotional fuel to deal with the situation is gone and now I battle the gravitational pull of inertia.

It doesn't even matter what I do. It won’t change anything. When I tried to affect change before it only made things worse.

It all seems futile – nobody cares.  Nothing ever changes. All of it is like a ripple on the surface of the water left by a pebble that sinks to the bottom. The ripple erased. The stone lost in the slimy riverbed. Why bother?

Why bother indeed?

There is no lofty moral mandate I have to carry out.

There are no marching orders issued to some Joan of Arc that she must fulfill.

At this moment, I don't feel I have to do anything.  No sense of compulsion. No pressure or urgency that drives an erratic action.

Just a gentle, quiet pull inwards, where the motivations and choices and decisions of a human heart reside.

I look at the little girl, her eyes puffed from tears, the echo of her crying faint in my ears… and I realize,

I am not here to change the world. I am not here to alter this messed up, screwed up system. I am here to show to my child that what happens to her and her friends matters to me…because it does! I want her to know that I care and that if I need to, I will voice and embody what they themselves would if only they could…


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