Apology to my Russian Brothers and Sisters

It has come to my attention that in one of my not so recent posts I might have inadvertently offended some of my Russian brothers and sisters.

I will not use my warped sense of humor, nor my most sincere motives as an excuse for something that can cause unwarranted pain in another human being. There is enough pain in this world as is, and I have absolutely no desire to create or add to pain to the already inevitably painful human existence since we live in the world after The Fall.

My heart's hope and desire has always been (since I came to know Christ) and continues to be that I am an empty vessel fully surrender to God's loving hand so that the Spirit of Jesus Christ who lives in me (and all of those who receive Him) can have an unhindered way to pour His love, grace, truth and healing into anyone who is open to His gracious offer of forgiveness and life eternal.

Of course, like anyone else, I am very much a work-in-progress. I fail every day. I sin every day. I confess my sins and appropriate the cleansing afforded to us through Christ's death on the cross every day. I invite the Holy Spirit to fill me again and again many times throughout the day, because I am so stinkin' independent and bent on speeding through life guided by my own sense of values, priorities and often external pressures.

I also see the Lord using my failures and weaknesses (in addition to just the plain 'getting old') to slow me down, to 'force' me to turn to Him in prayer and to rely on the wisdom of His word and the gracious ways of His Spirit moment by moment, day by day in all my dealings with His world and the people I interact, both in real life and virtually.

All this to say, if God turned the most cataclysmic event in human history - the death of His Son - into a transforming power-house of eternal life, hope, salvation and wisdom for daily living poured into our lives, it is my prayer and earnest hope that this offense and my public acknowledgment and repentance would become a source of healing and hope not only for me and my Russian friends, but also for many others throughout the entire globe who read this blog.

Needless to say that my true and honest feelings toward all my Slavic brothers and sisters are so far from any off-hand, silly comments I might have made in a feeble attempt to be funny.

I LOVE my heritage. In a healthy way, I am proud of it and of all the peoples that belong to the wide river of Slavs both in general and in their specific groupings. I love our the deep passion for life, the extravagant capacity for suffering and ability to rise out of ashes like phoenix again and again. I love our dedication to reading, to history, to amazing hospitality and generosity (these are the areas I still need to grow in and develop!).

We love to argue and still be friends. We talk sex. We talk politics. We talk relationships. We talk RELIGION!!! We talk about things nobody else on earth dares talking about except under the strictly-regulated relationship of mental-health counselor and their client (paying, of course, a handsome fee every time - 50 minute session - for the privilege we, without a thought, freely and generously offer to each other over a drink in a local coffee shop!).

I believe this world would be much poorer, shallower, more superficial place if there was no Russia, and no wonderfully (and dangerously!) wild Slavs, for that matter, on the world map. I could say so much more but I hope this will suffice to articulate some of my thoughts and feelings towards my larger Slavic family. I hope these thoughts would be tiny footsteps towards greater intimacy in our relationship with the Lord who created all of us, and greater appreciation for the marvelous complexity of the global Body of Christ and the delightful world of variety we live in.

I am grateful in advance for the forgiveness I hope you will extend to me.

Most sincerely,

Your Writer and His

CopyCat 007 - Filial Relationships... The Many Faces of Love Part 1

With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?!!!

If you haven't realized this already, let me spell it out for all of us:

Filial relationships are terribly complicated.

Some loves in our lives are agents of hate and suffocation.

Some hates are agents of true love and freedom.

Now, who in the world can figure this one out?!!!

Jesus, of course, has a word or two to say on such convoluted topic - not that His words help us clarify the issues, at least not at first sight. In fact, it seems like He makes it all the more confusing!

Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I didn't come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' Matthew 10:34-36 NKJ

Jesus is not talking here about our usual, daily, fleshly, self-serving bickering and fighting with each other inside our households. Some level of fighting and disturbance of our 'precious' peace and comfort may actually be quite healthy for our spiritual growth and development. This is how children become adults. Without the wrestling and working through the process until the heart resolution is reached, people remain children, no matter how many years they have lived on this earth.

What He is talking about here are deeply embedded bonds of filial affection which run through the core of our being. These affections, if left unchecked, will eventually strangle the life out of us and ultimately destroy us:

He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. He who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. Matthew 10:37-38 NKJ

Before we could experience true freedom in Christ, we must face the suffocating grip of our most precious filial relationships - between parents and children; husband and wife; closest friends.

Who is my true friend? I often wonder.

This is too difficult for us to figure if we rely solely on what we see and hear, or even feel towards another person. In order to discern 'friends' from 'enemies' we need strict evaluation of the fruit the other person is bearing in our life - is it leading to life and more life, or is it going in the opposit direction. We also need the spiritual discernment the Holy Spirit gives to all who ask Him. For, things are rarely as they seem. But, the Lord God Almighty is never fooled by apearances, by the sham, by the facade. He sees right through them.

Where His gaze is fixed is on our heart and the fruit-bearing capacities of our lives empowered by His Holy Spirit. This is where the battle between good and evil is won or lost. Everything else flows from this wellspring of life or pit of darkness and death.

For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. Hebrews 4:12 NKJ

CopyCat 007 - Filial Relationships... The Many Faces of Love Part 2

The Many Faces of Love Part 2

Could It Be that My Most Cherished Friend is Perhaps My Worst Enemy...?

As if exposing the suffocating aspect of out-of-bounds loving feelings wasn't complicated enough, Jesus comes to us with yet another blow to our smug self-satisfaction and false sense of security.

Listen carefully to Jesus' words in recorded in the Gospel according to Matthew 10:34-39:

Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

Huh?!!??

Let me clarify this again.

Huh?!!??Huh?!!??

I still clearly remember even though it happened more than a quarter of a century ago when I heard these words of Jesus spoken in my hearing for the first time. At the time, I was very young, very, very ambitious, quite educated atheist and beyond description proud of all my 'amazing' accomplishments which I have achieved by exertion of self-determination, impeccable work ethic I inherited from my parents and through exercising and developing my unique gifts and sense of calling on my life. I thought I was 'all that' and actually had a resume to prove it, if anybody dared question me. Nobody did. At least not until the day I heard Jesus speak, loud and clear, in my own mother tongue, through His Written Word.

My instant gut response to the outrageous claim He had made was,

Who do You think You are to make such outlandish claims?!!! No ONE on this Earth has the right to demand such wholehearted allegiance to him or herself!

I was miffed!

I don't think He really responded in words to my anger and outrage. His response was more like a gentle breeze, like a rumor of a mountain stream carrying a message of love, grace, truth and acceptance... Something like along the lines of...

Great question... good point... Let's work on it...

Work on it?!! What are you talking about?!!! There is nothing to work on! It's a YES-NO question. It's EITHER-OR. I offer no negotiation option to the enemy, whoever he may be.

I admit it - all my life, my youthful zeal has tended to haunt and harass me as my greatest weakness... But, as I am getting older and hopefully, wiser, I've also recognized that I can channel it in such a way that it becomes a wonderful strength. Surrendering not simply to the force of passion, but to the God who has woven is fearfully and magnificently inside our mother's wombs, the God who both gives us the passions and helps us master them by His Holy Spirit to His glory and praise.

"A man of too many friends comes to ruin,..." Proverbs 18:24a

Are you with me?

Copycat 007 - No Guts No Glory

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17,18

Therefore, since we have such hope, we use great boldness of speech— unlike Moses, who put a veil over his face so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the end of what was passing away. But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord
2 Corinthians 3:12-18

Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.
2 Corinthians 4:1-13

Spiritual Formation for Dummies - Never despise the power of small things (especially if they are children of God)

Never ever underestimate the power of small, seemingly insignificant and irrelevant things - especially if you proclaim that they are important... like a useless activity such as prayer, or the boring, ineffective and non-sensical word of the Living God...

Note from the author: This post was originally published on March 19, 2012 under the tittle, I want patience and I want it RIGHT NOW, as a part of a larger series Whining Fast 101 that evolved into Spiritual Formation 101, now tweaked to Spiritual Formation for Dummies. I believe that the truths conveyed in these posts are so essential to our healthy spiritual growth and spiritual maturity in Christ that I have decided to repost the entries in sequential order, with heartfelt prayer that the Spirit of Jesus Christ would connect the dots for you and all God's children so that you would be strengthened in your heart, mind and spirit and we all would be empowered by Him to live godly lives of courageous faith and humble service amidst the adulterous, self-serving, wicked and perverse generation among whom we apear as lights. Keep in mind that this rotten, corrupt world is the very same world which Christ loved and sacrificed His life for it. We are His ambassadors.

God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconcilliation.  Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.  He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.2 Corinthians 5:19-21

Now back to the Gardener from Outer Space and his first person singular Dummy...

I roll out of the truck hitting the pavement like a cannon ball. In the palm of his hand there are several individually labeled small plastic bags, each one containing seeds of a different kind.

You gotta be kidding me… I groan, … This is going to take FOR-E-VER! Why can’t we just go to Home Depot and get some of their ready-to-go, instantly blooming perennials…? , but he doesn’t seem to hear any of it, lost in a world all of his own.

He picks up a seed and looks at me,

You want a miracle…? Here’s a miracle, right in front of your nose.

It’s just a seed…

Yes, that’s what you see… but inside this seed… hidden… inside this tiny, lonely, easily ignored and trampled upon, seemingly insignificant seed, there is packed away an entire universe bursting with life, and energy, fruits and flowers and more seeds… ready to explode, creating more universes all around ...

For a few moments I forget to breathe, listening to him, transfixed, feeling I was awarded a front row seat featuring the Creation of the Universe…

But, before any of that can happen, he pauses as if remembering something, the little seed must fall into the ground… and die.

Die??? I gasp, choking on my own breath, suddenly transported back to reality.

Yep, he sighs simply, no other way. Sometimes I wish there were… but, from the way he sounds, I wonder if he might be talking about something else other than zucchini and tomatoes.

Unless the little seed is willing to lay down in the ground and die... He suddenly interrupts himself, and motions with his hand,

But, let’s get to work… I follow him slowly in a funeral procession for the bunch of little seeds. He turns my vegetable garden into a small burial plot for broccoli, squash, basil and cilantro and proceeds with the flowers… My face is so long it drags along the grass as I drag my feet behind. We make small signs and put them next to the neatly sown rows. For some reason, I feel like crying. How can something that's supposed to be happy and festive, a celebration of the crowning gardening activity - planting - turn into something so depressing and sad?!!!

What’s up? He lifts his head and looks at my morose body parts sprawled all across the lawn. I am a dirge incarnate. He shakes his head and bursts into laughter,

Cheer up, you silly goose… this is not about death… at least not all about death… This is about LIFE, real life… this death is just a passage into life … that is Life indeed.

Spiritual Formation for Dummies - National Planting Day!

Note from the author:  This post was originally published on March 16, 2012 as a part of a larger series Whining Fast 101 that evolved into Spiritual Formation 101, now tweaked to Spiritual Formation for Dummies.  I believe that the truths conveyed in this and subsequent posts are so essential to our healthy spiritual growth and spiritual maturity in Christ that I have decided to repost these entries in sequential order, with heartfelt prayer that the Spirit of Jesus Christ would connect the dots for you and all God's children so that you would be blessed and we all would be empowered by His Holy Spirit to live godly lives of courageous faith and humble service amidst the adulterous, self-serving, wicked and perverse generation among whom we apear as lights in the same world which Christ loved and sacrificed His life for it.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain. Philippians 2:14-16

Now back to the Gardener from Outer Space and his first person singular Dummy...

I am so taken aback by his statement about insipid gardening that the next few days I just follow him around without asking any questions. We pick up broken branches, pull a weed here and a stray crocus there, he replaces the rotten wood and fixes the sagging backyard fence.

We always take a lunch break – after my seven-year long manure fast I find all my taste buds are wide awake and eager to celebrate food in all its flavors, textures and delightful varieties. He asks me to teach him some Serbian phrases, so I make him conjugate verb ishchachkati person, gender, number and tense and threaten to make him go through all seven declensions of the word komarac – singular and plural. We laugh together as he butchers the grammar and pronunciation of my mother tongue. He fails to convince me of the value of country music and we talk politics for hours without getting mad at each other. It feels as if my life has entered some kind of a time warp and I’m shocked to discover that I actually love it. I am getting used to his pace – he is always working, and yet never rushing and somehow always resting. Even though he doesn’t wear a watch, he just knows the right time… for everything. At first it’s really hard to wake up each morning not knowing every dot, ampersand and underscore of my day. But I am learning to wait on his cue. Sometimes they are as subtle as the truckload of manure dumped on my driveway. Other times it’s as loud as the footsteps on the St. Augustine grass.

One day he taps on the window and announces,

National Planting Day! I jump out of bed like a firecracker, decide I don’t need coffee and bolt out of the front door. This is the day I’ve been waiting for! In my book, the sole purpose of gardening is summarized in one word – planting. I hop onto the passenger seat of his white truck and wait for him to fire up the engine. Field-trip to my favorite place on planet Earth – Home Depot!

What are you doing there? He asks, and clarifies it with another question,

Where do you think you are going? I look at him through the rolled-down window, thoroughly confused.
What do you mean, ‘where do you think you are going’? You said it’s the National Planting Day…

Soooo…

Well, we need things to plant. I am getting a little impatient. When I want to plant something, I go to the place where miracles happen every day, THE amazing miracle factory - our neighborhood Home Depot!

He shakes his head and if I didn’t know him, I would think he thinks I am hopeless.

We don’t need to go to Home Depot. We already have everything we need to make your garden a place ‘where miracles happen every day’ – I can’t tell whether he is mocking me or not - right here. With that, he taps his denim shirt pocket.

I squint, still firmly planted in the passenger seat of his white truck, half-expecting to see the blooming perennials in his front pocket.

No Name Calling, Please

Yesterday, on the way to my children's school, just as I stepped onto the crosswalk, hardly being able to make a couple of steps, a huge silver SUV swung around the corner bearing down towards me at approximately 20 miles over the speed limit inside the school zone.

It must have been the mother bear instinct in me that stopped me in the middle of the street, planting my feet like boulders on one of the stripes painted on the asphalt. I glared at the driver and pointed at the stripes of the crosswalk quite emphatically. At that moment a thought what could have happened to me didn't even cross my mind. I was thinking of all the elementary age children, some quite small, daily crossing the street in that spot, because, unimaginable as it may seem to some, they don't have an alternative to getting to school except by the power of their own two little feet.

The person inside the SUV, however, would have none of it! He swung around me, his tires screeching, and then slammed on the breaks, rolled down the window and screamed,

F...ing wh...! I turned and looked at him, quite shocked, I must say, for even though I don't think I live under a glass bell, I have never in my entire life being called such names in my face. As if reading the confusion clearly spelled out all over me, he screamed that much more loudly, I guess wanting to make sure I didn't miss a word:

You, F.... WH...!!! And drove off.

I finally crossed the street, giving two-thumbs up to the patient driver who actually stopped to let me walk to the other side of the street.

I was thinking...

Well, he is wrong. I am not f%#@?& w@?&. I am a faithful wife to the love of my life. I am a mom to two wildly amazing children. I am a child of the God who created the entire Universe.  I have been washed and cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. I am holy and beloved, chosen by Christ to walk in good works which God has prepared for me beforehand that I should walk in them.  Actually, even this very moment, I am on my way to do what He is calling me to do - to help those who are the most disadvantaged in my daughter's classroom!

The question inside my head, however, still remained,

But, why does he see me as a F..... W....?!!!

I don't know what business he was about but I could tell that he was in a great rush. I didn't see it, but he might have had a woman in labor with a child on the back seat. I still clearly remember my husband driving like a maniac in the middle of one August night almost eleven years ago with his wife screaming into his ear to slow down... and hurry up.... and SLOW DOWN.... and HURRY UP!! Now, that would drive any driver insane!

What's your problem, crazy woman?!!! Make up your mind, and then tell me what to do!

I also saw that he was driving an armored vehicle. If that SUV had hit me at the speed he was going, I would have been a smear of a bug on the pavement. He was much, much bigger and stronger than me. Outside of a miracle, I stood no chance of survival, while the worst thing that could have happened to him would be just a dent on a bumper and a splatter of my blood and guts on his windshield.

Finally, I suspect most importantly, I was the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time, interfering with his agenda. I was a slow pedestrian crawling across the crosswalk at a human pace. And, in this man's universe, that's just not acceptable. And so in his eyes, I became a f..... w.... A piece of moral trash polluting his moral stratosphere.

So, I prayed to God that He slows the guy down before he crashes and destroys another human life, forever altering history of an entire family...and, in some limited sense, the entire world... I pray that He slows down all the out-of-control drivers sitting behind the armored vehicles bearing down the many roads of our lives before they wreak havoc in our families and communities and in the most profound sense, ruin their own lives. I pray that He slows all of us down so we can see other human beings the same way He does. Not as moral trash, an aggravating annoyance interfering with the 'important' mission I am on, but as beloved wives and moms, husbands and dads, children of God commissioned by Him to do good works which God has prepared beforehand so that we should walk in them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Man

 "Tank Man" stops the advance of a column of tanks on June 5, 1989, in Beijing. This photograph, taken by Jeff Widener of the Associated Press, became one of the most famous images of the 20th century, and an international symbol at the end of the Cold War era.

Metamorphosis From Whining Fast to Spiritual Formation 101 to Intergalactic Communication back to where we left off...

Back in February this year I embarked on the most peculiar journey.  It all actually started last year during Lent, with a seemingly innocuous idea to participate in one of those forgotten Christian practices accompanied with prayer ( prayer as a two-way conversation with God rather than a highly repetative, boring monologue - for those who haven't read the introduction to the Intergallactic Communication aka prayer - http://hiswriter66.blogspot.com/2012/04/important-boring-and-irrelevant.html ) to most people known as Lental fast. 

Now, I like to eat and I don't particularly care to to deprive myself of food just to interact with the Almighty, so I sought His advice on the alternative.  He suggested Facebook fast.  I flatly refused, for such is my natural reaction whenever I hear God's outrageous propositions, especially when they infringe on my well-established habits.  But then, I changed my mind because I am still waiting to meet a person who can win an argument with God and I wasn't trying to attempt to be the first one... although I admit, I have tried in the past...

So, I am totally embarrassed to admit it, but last year I completed my first ever fast - Facebook fast, and it was... amazing!  I got so hooked (only after being unhooked from Facebook!) on the fast that I wanted to keep going way past Easter.  It's like a marathon runner finally reaches the finish line and wants to keep going and going...

Slowly but surely, however, I re-entered my world of addictions and by the time this year's Lent season approached, I knew I was due for another detox.  I assumed God wanted me to fast from Facebook again, but with all my years of interacting with the Creator I also learned it's very dangerous to assume anything about Him, especially that He repeats Himself in a cookie-cutter kind of way... So I decided to check with Him before I do the actual plunge.  I am glad I did, because I was wrong - again!  This time instead of fasting from Facebook, He wanted me to fast from whining!  What's up with that?!!! The beginning of this Whining Fast is captured in the following blog entry: http://hiswriter66.blogspot.com/2012/02/facebook-fast.html. 

The Whining Fast 101 took a life of its own and morphed into Spiritual Formation 101 half-way through the journey. The last entry of the Whining Fast, is named Auditory detox (http://hiswriter66.blogspot.com/2012/03/whining-fast-101-auditory-detox.html) and it ushers the Spiritual Formation 101, which is just a continuation of Whining Fast but with a more revealing title about what's really going on here (some of us have stopped using imaginaton wheb we graduated from the 2nd grade).

Spiritual Formation 101 chapters of the larger Whining Fast story begin with the post Sir, We Got a Problem http://hiswriter66.blogspot.com/2012/03/spiritiual-formation-101-sir-we-got.html.  As life has a way of developing several storylines simultaneously, I have pushed a pause button on the Spiritual Formation story on April 1 when Intergalacti Communication series has been introduced to public.  The last entry of Spiritual Formation 101 before the pause is called The Spitting Image in which the Dummy (who is in the story referred to using first person singular) is asking the Gardener from Outer Space why his Dad seems so 'stuck up' on this resting business http://hiswriter66.blogspot.com/2012/03/spiritual-formation-for-dummies-101.html.  As I already mentioned, the Intergalactic communication series was introduced on April 1, but right now I sense it's time to push the 'pause' button here and go back to the Whining Fast/Spiritual Formation story and hear more from the Gardener from Outer Space. 

I know that some of you will be disappointed since I am leaving you hooked on a cliffhanger, but fear not, sooner or later, we'll return to it... For, ultimately the many stories we live and the many stories we write have both their origin and their completion in the Grand Author and Writer Himself.  To Him and Him only belongs all the glory and credit for the marvelous work He accomplishes in and through the dummies of the likes of you and I.

Masochists of the World Unite!

Having queasiness in my gut from that What kind of idiot am I? question join the bells ringing in my head from Crazy in love God hammer makes me wonder if somewhere somehow I took a wrong turn and consequently got myself into this colossal mess. I've been known to do that sometimes. Then, I remember!

I am a world-class masochist – that’s what I am!

The fact that I don’t really remember ever calling myself a masochist, and the fact that all who know me are very much aware that I hate pain, doesn’t seem to phase me. The memory of the time when I almost ripped the chin off the face of the doctor who helped catch my baby girl when she hurried her arrival into this world just because of three little stitches doesn’t even cross the threshold of my consciousness. The fact that the Doc was simply doing his job and being helpful, even saving my life so I don’t bleed to death didn’t put my reaction to the needle-inflicted pain into perspective. Not at all.

All my life I lived by a very simple rule:

I love pleasure much more than I love pain. Consequently, my only addendum to this rule has been:

Therefore, avoid pain at all cost.

Right now, I feel a lot of pain, but for some reason I am a glutton for more.

What’s wrong with me?!!?? I wonder as I think about...

Who God is…

And about what He is after…

And then I think about me and my response to all that…

Turning my nose on it...

Being too busy for it...

Being too distracted by gazillion of other things that vie for a little bit or a lot bit of my heart’s real-estate to pay attention to it

Being, well, kind of indifferent towards it, for, to be honest, I don’t really care that much about things that are impractical and irrelevant to my daily life and I don’t see how God (no offense to my Creator) plays a part in it…

And, really, being much more interested in other kind of lovers than this invisible, quiet, so unnervingly slooooooowwww God I can't quite understand much less... control... and manipulate...and use... for my own ends...

And I start wondering if perhaps, absolutely unbelievable as it might sound… if I might be… could be… … But, I dismiss the thought.

No way. Impossible.

And the implausable tiny little thought is decisevly shoved aside by sheer strength of my will power. Having taken care of this, I return to my bon-bons and catching up on the episodes of Criminal Minds I have missed by spending too much time writing this blog.

Help! Somebody's Turning Tables on Me! More Intergallacting Rewiring of the Screwed up Motherboard

As the church bells ring inside my head, the complements of the aforementioned hammer, another teensy little thought, perhaps just the ‘ught’ part of the word ‘thought’ rises above the subsiding noise still bouncing against the walls of my battered brain…

If God wants me to love Him, choose Him, want Him far more and above anything and anyone else, and He is
NOT a psychopath, a bureaucrat and a tyrant…

In fact, He is
the smartest,
most brilliant,
impressive,
most powerful dude in the universe of which He is the sole title holder/owner…
plus
He is outrageously creative,
hilariously funny,
AND,
He also has superpowers like
walking on water,
apparating,
raising the dead
in addition to being
the surgeon general specializing in fixing broken hearts….
Plus so so much more...

If all this is true, then…

WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT AM I TO TURN MY BACK ON SUCH AN OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD PROPOSAL?!!!

Suddenly I can feel this queasy sensation rising inside the pit of my stomach, telling me that I am not going to like the answer to this question… not one bit!

Could The Old-Fashioned Be The New Cool? Rewiring of the Intergalactic Communication Motherboard

We left off with a question:

If God is NOT a self-absorbed psychopath, or the communist-era birocrat, or hard-hearted tyrant enjoying a vacation somewhere far away, then WHY the heck is He doing or not doing all this stuff that makes us think that He is (even if we might never put it quite into those words or publicly acknowledge those thoughts)?!!! What in the world is He after with this strange, unconventional, outside-the-box, even crazy approach to His straying humanity?

Here's a little thought... perhaps just a 'tho' from the word 'thought'...Could it be that just like any human lover, He, too, wants us to… love Him… as He is… ?

Not because of how smart and brilliant and impressive He is…

Not because He is the richest guy in the world…

Not because He is the most powerful dude in the universe…

Not because of what He can do for me…

…Or the lavish gifts that He gives me…

But because… of who… He is... just loving Him because there is so much to love… in Him…

No bribes, favors, prenuptial agreements, haggling, manipulating… NO prostituting???

Just simple, old-fashioned, unadulterated, unstained, uncorrupted, no strings attached, no envelope under the table… love…

Could it be… is it … is it possible… that God… wants… us… to come to Him … and… love…Him…just because… He IS?!!!! Because, perhaps, He could be… because He IS… worthy… even deserving… of our love… because of who He is…?

Could it be that He wants us to choose Him, decidedly and unequivocally choose Him and Him alone, over and far above every other lover vying for our heart, energies and attention, including our own deluded self?

I don’t know about you, but this little thought scares the spit out of me… Crazy as all this may sound, I wonder if we might have just about hit that nail right on the head. Except that the head that is ringing is the one attached to my own neck.

A Special Thank-You from Your Intergallactic Communication Center Team

After last posting, if you are still reading this blog, I thought you deserve a special recognition and a personal thank you from the Intergallactic Communications Command Center.

If this is the first time you are reading this blog, you can stop now. What follows will not make any sense to you, since it is kind of an insider joke.

First of all, thank you, you two Russians who have stuck out with me. Do hold onto that bottle of vodka (and perhaps send one my way!), for we might be needing it in the pages to come - as a disinfectant, of course... what else?? In story-telling, just as in life, sometimes it has to get worse, before it gets better. Our Slavic soul strings must recognize and resonate with each other...

To the outside-the-box German reading this blog - I salute you swimming against the flow up this narrow stream. You are in the great company of some other amazing Germans who have also resisted the pull and the pressure of culture around them and followed Jesus when everybody else turned around and went down the easy path. Too bad the 'other' German got all the attention... at least in this world.


To the lonely Indian, I so empathize with you, my dear friend, and I love your warped sense of humor... Thank you for hanging in with me.

To the three Americans (my good friend Susan who I can always count on, being one of the three) - you, my dears, might be living in a wrong country... or perhaps on a wrong planet. You are my true crazy heros! You are a daily reminder to me that, despite all the propaganda stating the contrary, our God is as involved, and active and mightily working in the USA as in all those other places we only hear about...

Self-Absorbed Psychopath, Communist-Era Birocrat, Hard-Hearted Tyrant or …? Crossing the Intergallactic Communication Wires...

Of course, some of us, who like arguments for arguments’ sake would object,

What kind of self-absorbed psychopath would expect me to shelf everything, put my cell phone on vibrate – or even turn it off altogether, God forbid! - and twiddle my thumbs for eternity waiting for him to shed his pearls of wisdom?!!! Get a life! Which planet do you live on?!!!

Fair enough. Either God is a self-absorbed psychopath, or, as we have already ascertained regarding His ways, there might be a method to His madness. Which also might explain

His often inexplicable silences (for I don’t think He is deaf, and He certainly couldn’t be snoozing with all the clamor in His front yard);

His callous disregard for the shopping list I most respectfully submit to His desk on semi-regular basis (this, in particular, reminds me of dealing with communist-era birocrats!);

His seemingly hard-hearted refusal to answer our earnest, even desperate prayers when it is clearly in His power to do something;

His strangely hands-offish approach to governing the world He created that is precariously spinning out of control while He is taking vacation in some perfect galaxy far, far away…

I could go on and on and on… but, I won’t because I know that the Complaint Line in front of God’s main gate is already too long, and I hate waiting in lines.

So, if we try again… I know I am pushing the envelope here asking some of you twice in two days, but please bear with me just this one last time…

What if we are to give God the benefit of the doubt and say that He is...

NOT a self-absorbed psychopath satisfying some sick need within Himself for the dried out crumbs of our approval and attention;

NOT some cosmic communist-era birocrat making us jump through millions of hoops in an impossible quest for satisfying some mindless, anal standard of perfection;

NOT a callous-hearted tyrant enjoying His vacation while the rest of us go to hell...

I know this is a mental yoga stretching exercise for some of us that might pull a muscle or two, so be careful and try it at your own risk (this is probably the only warning/ disclaimer I am going to give you - if this is too much for you, take courage, it was never meant to be for you! Go back and enjoy your Pinterest).

The rest of us may take deep breath and resume now...

But, if God is NOT that, then WHY the heck is He doing it?!!! What in the world is He after with this strange, unconventional, outside-the-box, even crazy approach to His straying humanity?

A Method to the Divine Madness? Even more thoughts on the Intergalactic Communication

With my proven track record, I know I am not qualified to assess anybody’s mental health, especially not the mental capacities of the Lord God Almighty. My psychiatrist would attest to that. But I admit that sometimes I do get a little worried about God’s reputation. If He doesn’t keep His blog and FB status regularly updated, how many 'likes', or 'followers' does He think He is going to get?!!! Not to mention all the crap He allows and tolerates in this world! If I were God, I wouldn't let that kind of stuff happen in my house!

So, it seems that this is where God and I part our ways - again! For unlike me, He doesn’t appear a bit concerned about His reputation. Or the numbers – whatever the numbers are – approval ratings, ‘likes’ or 'followers' on His Pinterest account. When God does algebra, greater numbers don’t add anything to Him, nor the lesser numbers take anything away. In fact, sometimes one can conclude that in God's economy less is actually more! Now, I think that is really weird. Weird but cool. I wish I could be more like that! Especially when I look at 10,000 books sagging my bookshelves.

So, having established that He is quite different, utterly unrepeatably DIFFERENT from anybody or anything you and I know, we can't be definitive about His mental state, namely we can't say that He is crazy just because His ways differ from ours. Considering all that He has given and continue to give to us, I think we owe it to Him to at least give Him the benefit of the doubt.

I know that this is extremely difficult for us who are the sceptical types, and it might take a little baby step… or perhaps a giant flea leap of faith for others (By the way, did you know that fleas can jump 200 times their body length – and that without wings?!!! I think it would be fun if humans could do that, although it may represent dangerous highway hazard, especially if jumping is not strictly regulated ... just a thought...)… Anyway, where were we? Ah, giving God the benefit of the doubt… That’s right…

So, let’s just dream together… What if… what if God turned down the volume so sooooo incredibly low, down to almost – just almost – an inaudible whisper, to ensure that only those who really, I mean, really really want to hear Him would lean in, and take pains at tuning out all other distractions and noises and on top of that be willing to wait as long as it takes to hear His voice?

And the rest of us can still have all the excuses we want to keep on ignoring Him?

Now, that might be a thought worth a consideration... perhaps even serious consideration…

The Glow-in-the-Dark Bibles - More Thoughts on Intergalactic Communication

In addition to our screwed up conditioning that trained us to expect God to always come to us yelling like a madman armed with a baseball bat (if you are confused, you need to check out the blog entry The Bible and the Bathroom Scale - The Forgotten Art of Reverence), another problem we have in hearing Him could be the packaging.

I look at the many Bibles neatly arranged like sardines in a can on the bookshelf behind my back. Then, I look at the rest of my library. There is an estimated 10,000 other types of sardines, equally neatly (or NOT!) stacked next to and on top of each other on the bookshelves all around me. Looking from the outside, one can distinguish absolutely no difference between GOD's word and an average human blabber (some quite impressive blabber,I must say!). If I evaluated exclusively the attractiveness of the binding and cover, I would have to cast my vote for Encyclopedia Britannica or even The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius (please, don’t ask any questions, I can see you shaking your head!). I probably have at least a dozen cheap (I apologize, God, for nothing about You is 'cheap' unless we make it so!) flimsy paperback Bibles with the coverpage graphics that don’t come even close to commanding the kind of respect God’s Word deserves! Not a single copy of the Bible I own glows in the dark! What’s up with that?!!! If I were God, I would make sure I catch people’s attention any way I can… I think it would be really cool if all the Bibles in the world had glow-in-the-dark covers. That would certainly ensure that people won’t get confused and pick Oprah or Dr. Phil as their main or even only source of soul food (nothing against Oprah or Dr. Phil!), right?

But, since I am not God, and my ways are not His ways, I have to scratch my head a little as to why He chooses such unpretentious ways of speaking to us. He is THE Almighty (capital A!), all the resources of heaven and earth stand at His beckon and call. He has the most important message in the universe to deliver to His doomed humanity. He has the RIGHT and the MIGHT to do whatever He wants. And He restrains Himself to an old, dusty, silverfish eaten pages of an ancient book?!!! That can be... BURNED! Using the words that can be twisted, misunderstood, taken out of context and worst of all – IGNORED! He might be God, but He must be crazy!

Unless, of course, unless… there is a method to His madness...

Who's Your Tuner?

A couple of days ago we acquired a used but well taken care of Korg tuner. It was a step up (or so we thought) from the ancient pitch-pipe I’ve been using to tune my son’s violin for the past four years. It was also a more simple solution to our everyday tuning needs relative to the DaTuner app on my tablet, since it eliminated all the distractions that numerous other apps expose us to during the violin practice hour. God knows that more distractions is something we definitely do not need in our household, especially during the practice time!

The first morning of tuning with the help of this new tool I relished the simple and clear feedback I was receiving from Korg as to the sharps, flats and naturals. Pleased with myself, I handed the perfectly tuned violin to our son and when he started playing, he sounded exceptionally horrible. He might not be a pro, but I knew he was not that bad. I (unsuccessfully) tried fine-tuning the violin but other obligations of the day crammed the violin tuning and playing out and I wasn’t able to troubleshoot the problem further. The afternoon didn’t yield better results – we were all tired and grumpy from the long week anyway, and tuning and playing the persnickety instrument when you are tired and grumpy is simply a very bad idea.

Today we had plenty of time for tuning and practice, so I was at it again. And again. And AGAIN. The more he played, the more horrific he sounded. We checked the tuner again and again, and the little green light kept smiling at us, but Beethoven had to be turning in his grave listening to his cannibalized piece. The longer I listened, the more I could feel my internal temperature rising. First I blamed it on the ‘stupid’ violin. Then I blamed it on the careless way my son handled the instrument, causing it to get un-tuned as it got transferred from my hands into his. On the verge of throwing the violin through the closed window, I decided to try one last thing. I fired up the tablet, pulled up DaTuner and started playing. I was shocked to discover that although two strings were right on target, the other two were completely off! I looked at the Korg and noticed it says Guitar and Bass Tuner - not violin! We were trying to tune the violin with the wrong kind of tuner! No wonder the music sounded so jumbled and screechy! We laughed and laughed (and I cried a little) as I tuned the violin back to the correct pitch.

As I reflected on this, I thought how often I try to ‘tune’ my heart and mind to other people – what they say, think and do; what's in or cool; or, what I think others think and say about me or what is important to me. Every once in a while, this may strike the right cord, but when I use others as my personal pitch pipe, the overall music of my life sounds more like jumbled screeching than a beautiful melody. Regardless of how impressive their resume might be, other people’s experiences are not meant to be a standard I should strive toward. When I do, in the heart of my heart I know the music I am playing, the stories I am telling don’t resonate properly. They are a waste of time at best and terrible, irritating noisy distraction for those who are trying to listen.

There is only one pitch pipe given to mankind to tune our hearts to – His name is Jesus Christ. When our hearts are tuned to His life-giving Word and His life-giving Spirit, He will produce heavenly music through each of our lives no matter what instrument we are playing. And His music, and His alone can truly refresh and restore the souls and spirits of all the weary ones who have ears to hear His song.

Fighting the Imaginary Stay-at-Home vs. Working Moms Dichotomy War

The most recent war between stay-at-home moms and working moms proves yet again that we seem to be enamored with fighting needless battles and fueling false dichotomies. Regardless of what Hillary Rosen and Ann Romney say or tweet and the media, blog and FB frenzy that generates, we all know that there are both stay-at-home mothers and working moms who have either made that choice or that choice was made for them for all the right, courageous and noble reasons.

Likewise, there is plenty of insecure, cowardly or hurting women who have chosen the insulation of their homes from so-called evil and ungodly world we live in for all the... well... not so noble and right reasons. There is probably equal number of insecure, cowardly or hurting women who have chosen the reprieve and escape the workforce world offers from the, at times, unbearable strain and pressure of parenthood for all the... well... not so noble and right reasons.

Implying that a choice – one or the other – is intrinsically right or wrong, is, if I dare say, wrong. We can’t justify or condemn either in its own merit. And since we don’t know what is in the heart of another human being nor are we equipped to discern their internal motivation, we need to refrain from judging, justifying or condemning altogether, and if possible, from meddling in other people’s affairs.

What we can and perhaps, should do, however, is examining our own hearts and making sure that what we choose to do is done with courage, humility and nobility of heart before God who sees and knows each of us, and entrust all judgment we want to pass on to others into His loving, faithful and just hands.

Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:1-5

The Bible and the Bathroom Scale - The Forgotten Art of Reverence

Even though we live in an age that worships and idolizes so many things, it’s really hard to find something that comes even close to giving us an appropriate definition and understanding of the word reverence. The word and its synonyms have been so thoroughly contaminated in wildly irreverent world we live in (which, BTW, I don’t mind at all, because most comedians are not laughing at the REAL thing but at our warped perceptions of it and accompanying screwed up idiosyncrasies). Because of this, I won’t even try going to a on-line dictionary in search of the definition.

The closest I could come to a better understanding of the meaning of reverence in our every day use is the way we approach bathroom scale each morning. There is hope. There is a little (or a lot) bit of trepidation. There is a realization that no matter what we may want it to say, it will reveal the truth. The scale doesn’t lie. However, how we hear and interpret a simple digit, 62, for example will largely hinge on the frame our minds and hearts are in, on the way we have been conditioned to listen to feedback messages in our families, peer groups, educational institutions and our societies at large. (BTW, number 62 stands for 62 kilograms, if you are living in a metric world like I do. For those of you who prefer to be pounded, here’s the link to a converter

http://www.infoplease.com/pages/unitconversion.html?qty=62&fromopts=kilogram&toopts=pound&unittype=weight&grp=&convert.x=27&convert.y=12

Back to the conversation with the bathroom scale. So, the scale may say 62 kg, but what I hear might be,

You big, fat ugly pig! I knew you have no self-control. I have given you warnings time and time again, but you, you weak-willed, wretched glutton…. And so on, and so forth… If this is how your scale talks to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have already thrown it across the room… several times. And if you haven't, maybe you should. It might do a little bit of good to your soul.

Now, if you’d like to know, the way my bathroom scale talks to me is more like this:

Good morning, precious. Aaaah, you are absolutely gorgeous, my darling…. At this, I usually look around the bathroom to see if there is anybody else there, for not even my husband talks to me like this every morning. Once I ascertain that I am all alone, and that the scale is indeed talking to me, I bend my ear a little bit closer to make sure I don’t miss a word of what else this lovely scale has to reveal about how she sees me.

I love the shape of your body. I love those dimples you have. But, if you care to hear what I have to say, that second helping of the blueberry pie with extra serving of ice-cream on top you enjoyed so much last night is carrying some consequences this morning, if you know what I mean. … My eyes pop out at this, as I remember the pie and the ice-cream. And do remember that that second helping the scale is talking about wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as the first… So, I look back at my friend and respond,

Well, thank you so much! I do appreciate your honest feedback... and everything else you said, even though I find very hard to believe. Next time our neighbor Bob brings that awesome blueberry pie I’ll certainly take everything you said to me this morning into consideration. See you tomorrow!

Of course, I am always free to forget or ignore the loving feedback of my wonderful scale. But, I am never free from experiencing the consequences of rejecting the truth and believing a lie.

Sadly enough, most of us have been bludgered silly by clueless people acting ‘in the name of God’ who use the Bible (or rather their personal pet interpretation of it) as an assault weapon - to judge and condemn, to criticize and point out all that is so horribly wrong with this world. In fact, if I want to be completely honest with you, I’ve done that myself many times over. If you've ever experienced this side of me, I am sorry! I mean it. Please, don’t count it against God. Count it against me and my own cluelessness and ignorance! However, improper use of God’s Word doesn’t invalidate the Word of God. It only shows that there have been, there are, and there will always be a lot of ignorant, clueless people around wielding it stupid like some cosmic baseball bat.

The Bible and the Baggage… Just admit it, we all have it…

Not to make any excuses for my lackadaisical treatment of God’s Word, but I must give myself some credit for entering into a rather complex family history with tons of skeletons in the closet, cultural fall-outs and associated baggage.

Numero Uno: When I entered into this intergalactic communication deal, the movie has already been well under way. It’s like starting at chapter 27. I have no clue what had happened before I jumped in, I have no clue who is the main guy, how it all started, the lovers and the traitors, the adulterers and the murderers - the whole nine yards. I have a ton of catching up to do! And, as if this is not already enough homework, I need to find out how do I fit in this unfolding, living, breathing, tragic, comic, out of this world, deeply personal love story. We could stop here but there is more….

Numero Due: Throughout history, some people have seen the Bible for what it is, God’s self-disclosure statement to His straying humanity, and were smitten by the sacredness of it. So, they treated the Word with such extreme reverence (now, some of you, like me, need a dictionary to find out what this word means, but I’ll come back to that in a sec) – namely, they sealed it like you seal a bottle of extremely rare and expensive perfume and tucked it away in a museum (or a bookshelf, or a nightstand). Now, the bottle itself is beautiful, and everybody knows that the perfume inside it very expensive and rare. But, God didn’t send His word for us to seal it away and stick it in a Museum of Rare and Expensive things to collect dust and silverfish. His desire is for us to crack the seal open and splash it all around, making our lives fragrant with it, so people can sniff it out and want to know where in the world we got it?!!