Target Practice

I put away the cleaning gear, relieved that’s behind me.  Now I can sit down and enjoy the clean driveway for the rest of my life. I pull the lawn chair and with a glass of lemonade in hand get ready to relax and soak in the view…

Suddenly a flock of birds flies out of nowhere and uses my driveway for their target practice.

Splat! Splat! Splat!

In horror I watch the rain shower of bird droppings land on my freshly clean concrete.

As if that wasn’t enough, they swoop around and perfect their aim in rapid succession, this time at the flailing woman in the center of the driveway.

Splat, splat, splat, splat, splat!!!!

Not only is my used-to-be-clean driveway covered in bird poop. I myself am positively dripping with damned creatures’ droppings.

I watch them fly away carefree, their messy burden left behind for me to shovel.

The rest of that afternoon I spend raking the mess, cursing the birds under my breath.  Once the order is restored, I take three consecutive showers and crash too tired and grossed out to have dinner.

Laying awake that night I wonder if my glow-in-the-dark driveway has special attraction for the bird target practices, or has this been going on all along and I just never noticed it before.