Be Careful What You Say, It May Come Back to Bite You

I am savoring this wonderful, and, O.K. I’ll admit it, a little weird life that is governed by invisible Reality of the Person who is like no one I’ve ever known. Some days, however, I go for hours before it hits me, I am not alone!  My mind’s default seems stuck on ‘autonomous’. I realize it will take time to reprogram this default. But with each passing day that turns into week and another, there is more and more genuine evidence of the reality and truthfulness of Jesus’ words and His identity – God-in-the-human-body!  There is so much I don’t understand, but I can rest my weight on Him and that is enough.  The recurring struggles slowly quiet down like the tremors after an earthquake. I am convinced that Jesus is truly who He claimed to be and everything He says is Truth – life-giving, life-altering Truth. I still can’t get over that I was sought out and  found  by the One I wasn’t even looking for!

One day out of nowhere in particular I hear an echo of my voice in an almost forgotten conversation,

If this is true, it’s worth giving your whole life to it.

I choke on the big gulp of coffee, spilling half of the content of the mug in my hand all over my pants. The ramifications of the rash pronouncement are beyond my capacity to fathom. At the time I made the claim, I was convinced it wasn’t true.  Today I know it’s more true than anything else I know. And, yes, I can honestly say that it is worth giving your whole life to it… to Him. He is worth it! 

But despite both, I knew I couldn’t do it.  No way.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that would mean in my life… Do I turn my back on everything – my studies, my journalism career – and become… what?!!! A nun?!! A street preacher?!! A blogger?!!!

I see a 12 inch gaping abyss between my head and my heart and I am powerless to transcend it. 

Lord, I know it’s true. I believe it’s worth it.  I believe You are the truth.  And You are worth it. But, I just can’t… I feel like such a loser… I want to be able to do it, but without You making it happen, it’s not going to happen.  It’s impossible…  But, if You can do it in me,  I am willing…I don’t know what it all means, but I am willing…

That’s all I need…

Huh?

That’s all I need – for you to be willing. I can take it from here.

But… but how?!!!

One step at a time… just one step at a time.

That’s all?!!! That’s all You are asking – just the next step?  I think that even I can do that…. With Your help, of course…