Love is Complicated

I find Paul’s sweeping words about love complicating my life tremendously. 

I realize that there is a part of me that wants to speak eloquently, and experience God with my whole being, and I want to understand the difficult matters of faith and help others do the same; I want to trust God for the mountains of my life and see them gone, sunken to the bottom of the sea, and I want to be generous until it hurts.

But the question is, what if God desires to reveal Himself through my stuttering or even silence rather than eloquence?

What if God deems my emptiness being a greater treasure than angelic ecstasy?

What if He leaves me in the dark, confused, and baffled over His words and work in my own or other people’s lives?

Will I still want Him?

Will I still love Him?

Will I still trust and rest in His love for me?

 

Or will I insist that I have what His pierced hand withheld, following the rest in chasing after recognition and validation that comes from man? 

Will I gather up my worth in the sieve of man or will I wait until He comes and reveals things that are hidden?

Part of me wants to slam the Book shut and run in the opposite direction, because I don’t like what I see in this mirror.

But, another part of me says,

Stop! Wait! There is more here… more freedom, more validation, more love than you could ever find looking elsewhere…

And I realize as much as Paul’s words may complicate my life, they are also making it incredibly simple.