Thursday, February 21, 2013

Plan B - B as Brilliant or Perhaps, BAD!

Perhaps… perhaps I need a fresh perspective…?  The tree seems to be in agreement, leaning its lowest branch toward me.

I take the extended limb as a sign of good will and hoist my creaky body over it. My boots still dripping, I must acknowledge that being lifted out of the puddle of self-pity indeed helps.  I carefully crawl further up the tree.

Up in the sky, half way to the Moon, I consider alternatives –

Adding an expansion to our driveway and turning the whole yard into a basketball court… ?

Adopting an Arizona style rock garden with zero grass landscaping…?

Designing a life-size mosaic of a blue whale with a water fountain in place of the blowhole…?

Finally, the energy efficient light bulb comes on in my head and I have a brilliant idea!

Astro-turf! That’s what we should do – we should put down Astro-turf.
 All my woes instantly evaporate as I clamber down the tree trunk to call the family meeting.

We are switching to Astro Turf!
 I announce, very much impressed with myself.

My husband looks at me over his reading glasses and with one blow, without apology nixes my brilliant idea.

Ain’t gonna work.
 It’s against our HOA CC&Rs, and goes back to clipping the coupons.

What do you mean, ‘It’s against our HOA CC&Rs’?!!! They can’t do that! They are overreaching their authority! Think of all the resources we could save. How can they object to that? Forbidding fake grass… I mean that would be like banning all the fake Christians, all the phonies and all the hypocrites from going to church!

Our I-read-Encyclopedia-Britannica-just-for-fun son sticks his nose out of its pages and throws in his two cents.

Mom, it’s really not as great as it sounds… There are some serious drawbacks to fake grass. The infill required for laying down artificial turf may carry heavy metals which can leech into the water table, plus the turf carries pathogens which are not broken down by natural processes in the same way as regular grass and that… He looks up, sees my stunned expression and stops mid sentence.

I had no idea that faking can be hazardous to your own, your family’s and your community’s health.

No comments: