Monday, November 23, 2020

a place of tug-of-war





This all-out, way-beyond-my-little-fist's-grasp extravagant greatness seeps through my pores and sinks down to the place I am mostly unaware even exists deep inside me. I feel the tension in my neck melting away and my fingers loosening the choke-hold of the impossible and petty demands I place on myself, others and even God!

The noise of the small claims court,  as well as the grand jury investigation which somehow always seem to be in session inside my head are tempered by this outrageous unwarranted mercy extended above, and below and all around me. 

Tempered, I say, not completely silenced.

I admit it's a struggle, an exhausting daily labor dealing with them... 

The Scrooge. The Judge. The Critic. The Editor. THE PREACHER!

They are all so very smart.  They know A LOT. 

But, they have absolutely no clue how to sit back and relax. 

As valuable as their gift of responsibility might be, they don't understand that their services are not always needed. 

But how do you convince a band of scowling crows that hovering over my head and pecking at my brain with their particular point of view as if it had absolute and eternal significance may not be the calling from God? 

In the past, I would simply hand them a particularly engaging and impeccably thought-out book on spiritual theology and that would keep them distracted enough. Quiet if not happy.  They would much rather sit in a comfortable chair inside their library, sipping lemongrass tea than deal with the screeching of unruly children and seagulls, and the annoying untamable wind messing up their hair and flipping their pages before they had finished reading them.  

Today, however, I want to try a different approach.  

But, I know I will need some serious help here.

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