Decipher This!

Soooo…. how did you like your Happy Birthday card?, I ask the profound existential question, trying hard to sound casual.

It was O.K.

O.K.? Just O.K.?!!!! The fire-breathing dragon is rearing her head about to roar:

What do you mean, ‘O.K.’??? Do you realize how long it took me, first of all to find that particular card? Do you know how many ‘obnoxious stinky teenager’ so-called ‘humorous’ cards I passed over? And all the sappy bad poetry dear-son-flower-rainbow-bunny cards? And all the corn-syrup dripping religious cards I put back on the shelf until I came across THIS particular one?!!!

Do you have any idea???

But, that wasn’t all!

After I came home and you guys were in bed and I cleared out the dishes and fed the piggy and cleaned his cage, I mustered all the effort of my exhausted distracted middle-aged-mom-fraying brain and actually PERSONALIZED it. I didn’t just sign my name. I sat down and thought about you and what I want to tell you and how much I love you. And I carefully chose all those beautiful words because I meant them and spelled them out one by one in my own handwriting!

And you tell me that the card was ‘just O.K.’????

The fire-breathing dragon wants to roar all that, but the only thing that actually comes out is,

Oh. Hmmm…. Did you read it?

I scanned it.

The fire-breathing dragon raises her head again, ready to consume all in her way.  But, instead, she just raises her eyebrow:

Scanned it? You didn’t actually read it? You just scanned it.

I tried. I honestly did. No offense, Mom, but your handwriting is atrocious.  I have really hard time deciphering it.

The fire-breathing dragon lowers her head sheepishly.

I am sorry. You are right.  My handwriting IS atrocious. Would you like me to read it to you?

Sure...

I breathe out, emotionally spent and physically exhausted. I clear the wrapping paper, empty cellophane bags and piles of LEGO pieces to make room for my rear end and scooch next to him.

The card is open in my hand and I hear my voice articulating those chicken-scratch scribbles on the cardstock, making each syllable real as their sound reaches our ears.  

I stumble in several spots – even I have hard time deciphering my own handwriting! I know for a fact that the words are finding their way into his heart – he is squirming a little, like we all do when we are confronted with the enormity of this real-life, I-see-you-I-really-see-YOU day-in-day-out unchangeable love.

I pause there, thinking of my own life and how often God’s message of unconditional love in Christ doesn't seem to be getting through. 

I don’t know whether His handwriting is atrocious or not, but this frequently preached and talked about message seems rather unintelligible, far removed from my daily reality. So I shrug my shoulders and dismiss it, deeming it too hard to decipher.  

He may not be an easily-offended fire-breathing dragon like me, but He’s certainly equally, if not more dogged! 

He doesn’t give up on me and you.  

He wants to make sure we get His personalized message, that we hear His carefully hand-picked words of love. He clears our clutter and makes room for Himself until His word becomes real to the point of making us squirm, making us fidget like a teenage boy, because it’s just a bit too much love and care and affection to take in.