Change and the Search for Permanence

Today I’ve been a little out of synch.  In fact, for the last couple of days. A bit off.  Or maybe a LOT off. Every step I take, I have to pause and think,

What am I supposed to do next?

It’s not like my to-do list has run out of items, just that I don’t know where to start. I stare at the sink with dirty dishes and ponder.  

Should I turn the water on or do I do the soap first?  I normally don't do this. I also noticed that I've been distracted even more than usual. 

What’s wrong with me???  I mentally scroll through the list of answers to the question - the litany of things that are wrong with me, my life and my world, but none of them completely checks out.  None fully fit the bill.

Then it hits me.

Daylight savings time! Then, like a boomerang, it hits me from behind. 

Daylight savings time?!!! But I love the ‘fall back’ change of the clocks.  That extra hour when you need it the most. In the morning. Before a scheduled meeting and you are running late.

But, somehow, this time, the change has messed up not just my internal clock but my mental and emotional fine-tuners...  and left me thoroughly discombobulated.

I marvel at my lack of resilience especially when I consider other much more significant changes – even the good ones, not to mention unwanted upheavals… And what it takes for us to get back in synch. Sometimes months... or even years.

New marriage. New baby... job...house... school.... teacher...

Loss of marriage. Loss of a spouse. Parent. Child. Job. School. Teacher.

Transitions are difficult.

As I reflect on this I realize we’ve had our share of both welcome and unwanted change lately. 

The 'fall back' clock adjustment was just a straw that broke this camel's back. I know it will take some time to get back in sych.  And this desire of mine for permanence in this life, it is just an echo, a longing that belongs to a different world.

In this one, however, change is unavoidable.  Loss and grief are our dependable companions. Gracious letting go, the artful skill practiced by few. 

But, I wonder if perhaps all this turmoil, all this uprooting, all this peeling of the clenched fingers could be intended for us to learn to open our hands wider... in giving and receiving... while our hearts and souls grow ever deeper roots  into the One who never ever changes.

And He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is his treasure. Isaiah 33:6

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8