Are You My Mother?

It’s been going on for a while in our household. Every morning and every day the same mantra with different variations.

Did you make your bed?, and,

Did you brush your teeth?, and,

Tea for breakfast is simply not enough nutrition to begin your day right., and,

I think you should be practicing now, and… and… and…            

It’s so familiar that I grew almost completely deaf to it, until the ‘you’ in the above statements would suddenly scream at the “I”,

WILL YOU STOP MOTHERING ME!!! You are NOT my mother!

Today it finally hit me. Somewhere along the way, my children started feeling that I need their help in parenting their sibling.  They have been hearing my words, they made the connections especially as they relate to their apparently unresponsive brother or sister and felt compelled to take charge.  Needless to say, their ‘parenting’ has been largely driven by the spirit of superiority and one-up-man-ship rather than a loving concern about the well-being of their sibling. It's also not inconceivable that when the unsolicited advice goes unheeded, the fingernails and the fists come into play to help drive the point.

Regardless of how my children may feel, I don’t need their help in parenting (I admit I do need God’s help, every day!).  In fact, sometimes I find their assistance not only terribly annoying but actually interfering with what I am trying to accomplish.  For my goal in raising our children is not an instant, almost robotic obedience to my words or behavior modification driven by fear or greed.  What I desire to see is genuine growth and age-appropriate maturity.  This is a process which requires that they internalize some valuable life skills, develop character, discipline and compassion in responsiveness not so much to a nagging mother but to the invisible God Almighty. This, of course, not only takes time but also requires that I allow room for them to make their own choice as well as create environment where they can fail safely.  All this, of course, goes way over my children's heads, their capacity limited by their age and experience (for some things in life we begin learning only after we become parents)

Then I thought if all this is true in our little family where both parents and children fail miserably, how much more the perfect, holy, all-wise God doesn’t need my help in parenting His children.   For, if I am truly honest with myself, what I really want from the people around me is neat and clean behavior modification, so my life is not overwhelmed with the messy choices of God's immature, ignorant and disobedient children.  But, God is after our heart and the motives which are hidden to the eye of ordinary humans.  For He knows when our heart is wholly His, the right behavior will follow close behind.

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be My people. And they shall not teach everyone his fellow citizen, and everyone his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for all will know Me, from the least to the greatest of them. Hebrews 8:10,11