I am absolutely drenched, but there is no time to dry off because the person banging on my front door is now threatening to storm it off its hinges.
Just a moment! I yell out from the top of my lungs, rushing towards the door, leaving a soppy trail behind me throughout the entire house. I fumble around looking for the key, the visitor's face pasted against the front door window, peering through the shades. The key proved to be quite unnecessary, for with one final blow of his right shoulder, the door gave in and the visitor followed it's splintered path finding himself in our hallway.
How can I help you, sir? is choked up inside my throat. Having my front door shattered right in front of my eyes, in addition to being wet, winded and rushed are all working mightily together against my honest attempt at kindness, so I blurt out,
What the heck...?!!! I am sure I present quite a sight to the visitor, who examines me from head to toe. I am tremendously relieved I am all sparkly clean, but his disapproving scowl indicates he might not agree with me on this assessment. I am utterly confounded for I don't even know the guy and he obviously has a bone to pick with me, for some brilliant reason known only to him. I wonder what's the emergency that necessitates such entry. He must be a mind reader for he clears his throat momentarily, sighs deeply as if reminding himself that putting up with the likes of me is part of his penance in life and announces his important mission:
I am a code enforcer for our HOA. There have been anonymous complaints by our neighbors about some of your activities and I have been commissioned by our board to inquire about these complaints and the effect they have on peace and prosperity of our neighborhood as well as our property values.
He pauses briefly, sniffing the air. I wonder if he could smell the freshness of mint, and the tangy lime, and that unidentifiable scent still lingering as I continue to drip like a leaky faucet. Then, a faint thought about never-ending manure saga crosses the threshold of my consciousness!
That's what this is all about! I knew I would get in trouble for that damn pile of manure! I shudder at the memory, but so many things have happened since than that that particular stinky mountain has shrunk down to a molehill relative to other mountains dotting my horizon nowadays. But, I have no time for reflection because the Code Enforcer focuses his stare back at me and continues:
In the process I have checked your water meter among other things and have discovered that your usage is in violation of the HOA Declaration of the Covenant, Conditions and Restrictions Article 7 page 49. The penalty for the violation amounts to $278.43. You have an option of paying in cash or write a check payable to the HOA within 10 business days. If we have not collected the amount within that period, you will be taken to the small claims court and be liable for additional court and legal charges. This is our final notice. Have a great day. Good bye.
With this, he spins around on his heel and triumphantly stomps towards his SUV, which is parked in my driveway with the engine running, keeping the A/C on.
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