It's All My Fault

Congratulations! We made it to April.

Some of us wish that today we find out that entire month of March was just a big fat April Fool’s Day joke.

Some of us wonder if this was just a prelude to the Hunger Games reality show in which we are all participants. We just need to figure out which districts and people are essential and which are non-essential.

Some of us are wondering WHY is all this happening, while self-examining types are doing deep soul-searching and beginning to question whether this is really all their fault.

When I was a child and my sister and I would start arguing whose fault it was that this happened or that, my dad would always say,

I did it! It’s my fault.

Growing up this was exceedingly confusing because it was very clear that nothing could be further from the truth.  Whatever caused the raucous, had nothing to do with him.

Now that I am a parent, I am finally beginning to understand why he did that.

So in our current situation, if blame needs to fall on someone, why not it be me. It’s all my fault.

You think I am joking? No. I am not.

Earlier this year I admit I was griping A LOT about how busy this spring and summer were shaping up to be. We have a junior and a senior in high-school. This means graduation and all the accompanying mayhem, college/scholarship searches and applications, testing, pre-college programs, my 98 year old father-in-law’s visit, then keeping him company in Maine, other visitors, travels, back and forth, back and forth, on top of just regular survival stuff, school, rehearsals, after-school activities… Our 25^th wedding anniversary is this year, and we should do something special, maybe book a cruise, but who is going to take care of the cat and….Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh…. Our lives were moving way too fast for my taste and quickly getting out of control. 

Moreover, it felt like there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

GOD! I CAN’T KEEP UP! THIS NEEDS TO STOP!!

Just. Like. That. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, of course, but as they say, be careful what you pray for… I didn’t mean ‘global pandemic’ when I said, ‘this needs to stop’… I just thought my little craziness, our little circus.